omg my dad has a blog?

I heard from my brother the other day that my dad has a blog.   Totally forgot about it ’til today in class, when i decided to search for it (power of the internet is incredibel these days).  I went on and looked for my dad’s name, and nothing showed up.  Next thing I tried looking up was “hoonoid” which is my dad’s username for everything, and VOILA!   I, Joseph Kwang Hun Han, on the year 2010, discovered my father’s blog! if you wanna check it out…

Have you ever read something your father wrote?

other than personal messages, never have I ever until now.  And speaking from my experience today, it’s quite crazy.  It’s almost as if you’re looking into an old journal.

I came across the blog during my Econ class, and as soon as i came across it, i tuned out my chinese professor’s esclated voice, and delved into my dad’s blog aka. “the life and times of PAPA han…

It was quite interesting…  seems liek he wrote a lot more back in the day in 2007 and 2008… he hasn’t updated consistently for a while now.  (His latest entry is directed towards Koreans.. he explains 40 american slangs/phrases… i got a good laugh out of that one)

Flipped through some of the things he wrote, he wrote a lot about the places he’s been to, it seems as if he somewhat prides himself in that.  He briefly describes each places he’s been to… such as growing up in Pusan, going to London, Chicago, America, Europe and so forth…  He also wrote a couple of entries about money, which makes sense because he has a lot of experience with that kind of stuff.

I saw a lot of wisdom, and I know that came with a lot of the things he’s been through.  He’s always been good at a lot of different things, yet he’s very approachable and loves giving friendly advice.

Then I came across some more personal entries… where he talks about his goals in life and where everything seems to be heading… I saw a lot of myself in him too…  He wrote about some of his failures, some of his hardships and how he chooses to push forward… It really made me want to sit down and have a conversation with him.

I was really ashamed of myself that I don’t talk to him as much as I should.
I mean, do I REALLY know my father? anyone out there feel me?

I honestly have a hard time communicating and expressing/showing emotions to my parents.  I don’t know why.  Is it the culture barrier?  is it the language?  shouldn’t matter because we’re all family right?  maybe I give up too easily.. maybe I think I don’t need to hear any advice from my parents… But either way, today it became a goal in life for me.  I want to get to know my parents better.  And it’s gonna take some effort.

I searched to see if Dad talked about me in any of his entries.

I looked at the dates of the entries and I went to see if he wrote anything after me running the marathon.
anything after me getting in to college.
anything after graduationg high school.
anything after i made the basketball team.

I couldn’t find much about myself. And I’m not gonna lie, it made me very sad.
But then again I don’t write much about him either.   and that made me sad as well.

I wanna know more about my dad.
what he was like growing up,
how he coped when he went to the military
how he felt when he first met my mom, the first kiss
how he felt when he got his first job? what did he do with the paycheck
how he felt first coming to England, being in a foreign country for the first time
what he was going through when grandpa passed away…
what he was thinking when we decided to come to america
how humbling it felt to sell salad after years of success in the stock market
how he feels everytime I come home for breaks and give him a hug… and so on….

I did find one entry about me though. He wrote that he didn’t expect me to get into TJ.

But he said when I did get in, he was very proud of me.

I ex-ed out of the blog afterwards, with a lightened heart.
it’s funny how even just one word of acceptance from your dad can change everything.

i actually just wrote him a short email; i told him to write more on his blog

and I know my relationship with my dad needs a lot of work.
but the good news is that there’s still time.  there’s a lot of grace.

fathers be good to your sons, sons will love like you do

praying for a deeper and stronger relationship.   love you dad, i’m working on it.