I tried to remember how i’ve spent the past 9 new years eves.
here’s what i came up with.

08: Chicago/fireworks, coming back from Onething 08 at Kansas City
07: dinner with a girl i used to like
06: senior year of HS, worship service at church//the infamous brawl
05: cheesecake with brother, his friend and xtine? am i right? then church
04-01: this is where my memory starts to fail me
00: at KwangHwaMoon in Seoul, celebrated the new millenium and found 40000 won and used the money to buy Haejanggook for my family

the memory is a beautiful thing… sadly a lot of times we tend to remember some things we don’t want to remember…  it can range from something simply random and insignificant, to a painful and searing loss of a loved one… you remember your most embarrassing moments… stuff you think about and just shake your head in shame haha… you remember the time when you first felt heartache… that time when you broke your ankle… the time when you fought with your friend… the time when you saw your friend’s loved one pass away… missed opportunities… painful losses…

well the good news is that we can remember a lot of good things as well.  the time when you first held that girl’s hands… the time when you first came to know god… your first day of school… the time when you stayed up all night talking with your friends… the look on your moms face when you first came home from school… the way that person’s hair fell across her face so beautifully… the time you heard your niece’s first cry… victories…

the irony of memories is that you can’t remember everything. sometimes you can’t remember something you want to remember, and sometimes you remember some things you don’t want to remember.

what’s so beautiful about a memory is that usually they aren’t kept just by you… the beauty is that as you recollect and share these memories, they bring back the good times…  as you reminisce, your memories come alive as they bring back feelings and emotions…

i’ve learned over these years that life is not meant to be lived out alone, but shared.

Pabe once talked about how we as christians are called to remember…  remember God’s goodness in the past, so that even in your valleys you are able to see past your circumstances and know that God is good… and as we remember our blessings, we allow those around us to remember as well. that’s what testimonies are for.  we share about god’s goodness in our lives, to remind each other that God is good. the beauty is that our songs and stories are able to lift each other up.

and if i’m gonna have any sort of resolution for this new year, it’s going to be that.
I want to remember.
I want to remember, through every circumstance that God is good, even when I don’t see it
I want to remember, for those around me that cannot remember
I want stories.
I want opportunities to share those stories.

so i’ll end with a memory.  a memory of how I ended the first decade of the new millennium.

“I spent the last 2 hours or so of the year in worship, with some amazing people, in an blessed church that i so dearly love.  during worship I had a time to share about some of the invaluable lessons that God has shown me in the past several years, and as I was sharing I couldn’t help but be amazed how much God has shown me throughout these years.  and I was excited… excited to live… excited to see what these next 10 years or so will hold…”

10 years ago I was in Korea, having no idea that I would ever come to America, having no idea that I would meet God. having no idea that I would have met the people that I have grown to love right now.

who knows where I’ll be 10 years from now?  i can only imagine to the greatest of my creativity and to the extent of my limited dreams and aspirations.

but I know where i’ve been, i know what I’ve seen, i know what i’ve experienced

and I’m going to remember… and let the world know