love…?

just random things i’ve been thinking about lately…

to start things off i feel like the word “love” is thrown around way too easily these days… we love our parents, friends, God, and we love cotton candy…?   i dunno…

another thing i’ve been realizing is that love is a risk… of course i’m not talking about loving cotton candy, because I don’t really see any risk in loving cotton candy… unless all of a perfectly fine cotton candy starts tasting like crap and tells you it’s not his fault…   anyways…

I used to think that love takes some risk? but now i feel more like love IS risk and risk can’t really be separated from love or else love really can’t be love.

think about it.. when you love someone, you’re basically handing them your heart, kind of like an invitation… it’s a risk… the risk that the person will not take it.. the risk that he/she may say no… that he/she just. doesn’t. feel. the same. way as you do.   but why the heartache?

so the power of whether this whole thing is gonna work out or not is not in your hands, but in the hands of the other person.  they can do as they like.. accept it or reject it, it’s in their power…  maybe that’s why love makes us so vulnerable.  maybe that’s why it’s hurts so much sometimes… we give ourselves away to find out it was never wanted to begin with. heart break is no joke… i’ve experienced it, you’ve experienced it, it’s really something that everyone can relate to

for me, what hurt the most was how i gave, gave and i gave, and in the end got nothing in return.  but that was the risk wasn’t it?  still, stuff was pretty hard to deal with…

things can get messy in a matter of seconds

A book I read in the past was talking about how God’s love for his people was a risk as well… A God with a heart, choosing to love his people… and it’s our choice whether or not to accept this love.  this is a God who “keeps going, keeps loving, who keeps risking…”   He went on to talk about in our heartbreaks we can kind of identify with the way God feels… and that we can only be healed of our heartbreaks when we see God’s suffering, and the relentless nature of God’s risk-taking love…

I’m not saying that i know all about what it means to love, but i think that if you’re loving right, you will be hurt.  but it’s the way you deal with that hurt that matters.  you need to fight through the hard parts and dig up the mess, the pain, the misunderstandings, the awkwardness and face them….   if healing is ever to begin

i think the worst road to take (which i’ve done many times in the past) is to forget about it all.  to build up a huge wall around your heart, and guard your heart so tightly and shut yourself away from love.  to stop risking.    this sucks.. it makes you into a cold person… it decreases your capacity of love tremendously… and you don’t wanna go that way

God told me one day that I was worth the risk… and that I should risk for other people as well…

… and I guess that’s what I’ll  do.   I’ll probably fail and fail, and maybe even get this whole thing right just to end up getting hurt again, but in all times at least I know who I can look on to… to the one who risked it all.. to the God who continue to risk…

meanwhile… I’m gonna go figure out a way to go tackle some of my junk from the past… bye!

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