A review of 2011.

Perhaps the most eventful, stretching, and trying year of my life.

Each year has its own distinct feel to it, but I can’t seem to get a good grip on this one.   If 2007 for me was a year of breaking down, and 2008 was a year of building up, then I’m not really sure what 2011 was all about.

Convictions.  Setbacks.  Heartaches.  Success.  Blessings.  Accomplishments.  Wandering.  Joy.  Loneliness.  Searching.  Running.  Away.  To.  Disbelief.  Community.  Solitude.  Disappointment.  Wonders.

How do you sum up life in a few words?  

I tweeted this emo/inquisitive tweet the other day and surprisingly got a number of responses… Forget who it was but someone responded with a “@joemelohan IT GOES ON” and those three simple words have been stuck in my head for a while.  It makes so much sense.  It’s just like how John Mayer described it; I find myself in a train, and it’s going just one direction: forward.  And this train… this stubborn, steadfast and selfish train just keeps on moving regardless of how I feel or what the circumstances are…

Kind of cruel, kind of cool,

Yet in this constant forward motion I find a cycle.

a cadence.  a rhythm.

From the steady, simple heartbeat inside our chest to an idea as complex as reaping and sowing, there is a beat to this life.

As unpredictable as tomorrow’s weather may be, we know for certain that it’s colder in December than it is in June.  Seasons.  Everybody has birthdays, students go back to school on new semesters, there’s always spring after winter, but there’s something that’s very special about a new calendar year.

The change of a calendar year is universal.  It’s humanity accepting defeat to Father Time and stepping in towards the unknown, whatever the next year, beat, or season has to offer.

What’s past is past.  Maybe this was the best year of your life, or you’ve gotten so used to writing 2011 on your papers or the trials and tides of life brought you to your knees, January 1st means there’s a fresh start.  He who put the stars in their place is making all things new as He continues to spin us around on this tiny rock called Earth.

How do you sum up life a year in a few words?

Words don’t ever seem to do justice don’t they? But I can recount memories.  Moments.

That moment when you realize you’ll remember this exact time and space for the rest of your life.  Call it a “defining moment,” I guess.

How do you sum up life a year in a few words moments?

That’s what I’ll do, I guess.  Re-situate myself in the 7 most memorable “moments” of this past year.  I will write about where I was, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I will tell a story.

Stay tuned.

I’ve heard it over and over again that He is the prince of peace, the lifter of my head, our hiding place, but I proceeded to wrestle with the statement regardless…  [excuse me if I ramble, it's just my train of thought]

I think the statement itself is tricky because it can go two ways depending on how you define or which perspective you take on the word “safety.”  You can see safety from our point of view where it can be loosely defined as our security and comfort.  But the hitch here,  I believe, is that our longing, our idea of what  keeps us safe is different from that of God’s.  Humans naturally seek normalcy, pleasure and security, all of which we pursue in a million different things.

On the other side you can see safety from the perspective of God, who happens to be screaming at us that we are always safe, always secure in His arms no matter what the circumstance.

With that being said, I feel like God implores us and calls us to break free of the mundane and take chances, take leaps of faith because even when we miss the mark (which happens damn often), we fall into the arms of grace over and over again.

And I feel like God does push us, throw things at us, stretch us to get us to that point where we can finally say that “all our fountains are in Him.”

I think it’s just one of those things where we don’t realize that He was our safety all along, until the very end.  Hindsight screams out God’s faithfulness!

Now, going back to the question of “does God never guarantee us safety?”
I’ll say no, God doesn’t guarantee us safety because He doesn’t need to.  He is our safety whether we realize it or not.  He keeps us and sustains us, relentlessly and even violently at times.  Even when we feel unsafe in our own terms, He is always there in every season, in every circumstance.  To say otherwise is to take out of God’s character.

David writes in Psalm 4 that his heart is filled with peace and safety, simply when God shines His face.  To David, this brings him greater joy than when the harvest is plentiful, or even when every circumstance “feels right.”    The truth is that our definition of what makes us safe will never actually bring us safety.  Hope put in anything other than the faithfulness of God will always let us down.

What do you prize the most?  value the most?
How do you react when you’re stripped of these things?
What really brings you joy?

“I will lie down and sleep in peace,
     for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.”

Part 2:

 an excerpt from the last entry of my journal in Thailand…

… But all this so called “warfare” doesn’t discount the sovereignty of God.  His faithfulness knows no end, His power unrivalled in all of creation.  I remembered in the midst of everything,  that the battle had already been won when Jesus rose from the dead, defeating sin, our fear, and death.  He answered all of our prayers throughout the trip.  “All I have needed thy hand hath provided.”  Even when everything seems to be falling apart, nothing going right in our eyes, God still holds everything together.  His will and purpose stand true.

God can work miracles in an instant.  In a moment He can turn lives around whenever He chooses to raise His voice.  Seeing the people come to Christ this trip made everything worth it.  That’s what it’s all about, right?   I can’t imagine the magnitude of the celebration going on in heaven when the girl upstairs came to Christ.  When those students raised their hands for Jesus.  We can love all we want, but it is Christ who changes lives.  Good thing the Spirit knows no language barrier.  LOVE has no language.

In the end, everything comes back to the life and death and resurrection of Christ.  Everything about Him just screams out life and freedom in a dying world.  Out of love, He fought for our lives on the cross, and He’s still fighting for those lost.  Every single one of His children.  To me, that is amazing.  The thought that He is relentlessly after our hearts.  After all our mistakes, sins, wrongs, failures, apathy, fears, shortcomings, and circumstances, the only response He ever has towards us is unconditional, agape, LOVE.  

Hallelujah.

I guess it’s about time to bring some closure to this “training” phase.

1. It’s been a long and windy 2 months.   A lot of prep, a lot of doing, all the while fighting through constant distractions of the looming, uncertain and imminent future…  So many things left unresolved, so much up in the air, but I feel like this is where God wants my heart the most.  I can hear His still small voice call out to me: “Can you just simply trust me…”

So that’s where I’m at right now.  A year older, no longer a college student, and life has brought its ups and downs but His calling remains the same: “love me and love my people…”

I want to see lives changed and the broken hearted dance.
I want to see the darkness tremble, and mountains move.
I just want to see people come find hope in the love of the father.
To see that there IS love.
more powerful than anything in this world.

2. God the provider.  I sent out an overdue support email less than a week ago, with about more than half of my funds to raise. God has blown me away with not only the amount of financial support I’ve received, but also the amount of care and interest that my friends have shown towards missions.  I’ve never been more encouraged to go on a trip than now.   Jesus leads the way and I have His body fully supporting me.   I am not going alone.

3. Saved by Grace, Compelled by Love.  Taken straight from Ephesians 2 and 2 Corinthians 5.  It’s just a small motto I’ve come up for myself for this trip.  I feel like those two things are essential as I go to Thailand to do his kingdom work.  ”Saved by grace” reminds me of where I’ve been.  It is my foundation.  ”Compelled by love” reminds me that it is the love of Christ that drives us, pushes us to love on His people. I am in no way capable nor equipped.  But the pure, unadulterated, unfailing love of Christ compels me to do things I wouldn’t do otherwise.  This trip is meaningless if we can’t love on His people.  And the only way we can love is through Christ.  His love is our fuel.  And the good news is that it never depletes.

It’s about 4:40am right now.  In about 3 hours I will have to wake up, and in less than 9 hours I will be on some korean airplane bound for Thailand.  The body is tired but my soul is awake.  Please pray for us.  If you’re reading this now, yes, pray for us.

I will be back with stories.

love,

Joe

21 Life Lessons from College.

1. Jesus loves you.  This is the only constant in our lives.

2. God is faithful, even when we are not faithful.

3. Pray in the mornings.

4. Pray with your friends outside of retreats, large groups or even prayer meetings.

5. Go to small group.

6. Keep a journal.  Not a blog.  But a journal where you can be completely honest with yourself.

7. Be a good story teller.  God is writing amazing stories in our lives.  Our job is to tell them well.

8. There are several things I found more important than grades, interviews, jobs, sports or the girl you like: God.  Family.  Friends.  Community.  Your health.

9. There will be victories and blessings.  But they do not change our need for God.

10. There will be failures and circumstances will rise.  But they do not change the character of God.

11. Be honest.  With God, with others, and with yourself.  Genuine relationships are only birthed out of honesty.

12. Laugh out loud.  Cry even louder if you have to.

13. Serve at GCF (or whatever fellowship/church you are part of).

14. Play a sport for GCF.

15. Go on a Spring break service trip (or any missions trip).  I believe the greatest way to bond with others is through service.

16. Stargaze.  Often.  Take your eyes off this world once in a while.

17.  Seek out mentors.  Seek out disciples.  Receive, and Give.

18. But remember, you can’t out-give God.

19.  Buy flowers for your mom when you go home.  It doesn’t have to be for an occasion.  It doesn’t matter what kind.  Trust me, she’ll love it.

20. Live boldly.  Not to be a sap, but these are 4 years you will never get back.  Go out and LIVE. Don’t be afraid to engage uncertainties.  Be bold.  There’s always grace when you fall.  If we always play it safe and never fall, how are we ever going to experience grace?

21. Last but not least, keep in touch with your senior class, whom I know you guys so dearly love.

_______________________

toasts…

to the body of GCF…  It is through these unforgettable 3 years at this school where I have learned the value of genuine fellowship and an honest community that Christ calls us to live in.

to friendships… that we will keep for an eternity!

to the God who knows what he is doing.

Closing thought.

The thing I love most about college fellowships is that there’s a constant stream of people entering and leaving.  To me, it shows that this fellowship is not about a person, a president, or a class or even the body itself.  It has been and will always be about the one who is making everything happen through his creative and active work in all of us.

here’s to the only name that was uttered before time…. the only name that will stand at the end while all other names bow… JESUS

2 of the most distinct moments of my life involved playing in the rain.

The first one was during a retreat in the summer of my sophomore year of high school.  All of our outdoor activities that were planned got cancelled because of the rain.   I still vividly remember how we were playing basketball out in the rain and all of a sudden we decided that it would be a fun idea to start diving around in the wet grass.   About 6 of us were soaked down to our boxers and we still have evidence of how we showered together afterwards (with clothes on, of course).

The second one was more recent (pictured above).  A group of men from my Christian Fellowship were supposed to go on an outdoor camping trip, which quickly got moved to indoors because it rained all day long.  It didn’t stop us from having fun though.  We played the most epic game of kickball in the cold rain, even with mud in our face and up our shorts. We didn’t care about how dirty we got, we just had each other and we knew that this could be one of those magical moments that we would be talking about years from now.

Who says you can’t have fun in the rain?  

Today was just one of those days until flashes of lightning and quaking thunder turned it all around.  There was hail, wind, and lots, and lots, I mean LOTS of rain.    Strange, huh?  Usually the rain changes the mood in a negative way, but this time it was different.

I felt like doing something crazy so I went out during the storm to shoot some hoops, trying to pretend like I was in some sort of epic sports movie.   There was water in my eyes, and the ball got about 10 pounds heavier because of the rain, but today wasn’t about basketball.   Basketball was merely an excuse to get soaked in the rain.

I was quickly joined by Billy and a couple of my friends.  We ended up sliding all over the wet grass as we screamed and shouted for joy.  Neighbors would peep out of their balconies to see what on earth we were up to.  It didn’t bother us.  Not one bit.

More than anything, it was just ridiculous to see that much rain fall out of the sky.  I mean, I enjoy trickles of rain on a nice cool day once in a while, but something about downpours bring about something deep in me that I can’t express in words.

“Test me in this… and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will be not enough room to store it.” -Malachi3

I’d like to believe that today was a glimpse of that.  If that downpour were actually the blessings from heaven, I want to be the first one outside soaked through and through, while inviting all my friends to join the party.

I’ve been learning how to put aside my pride, my agenda, and most importantly myself, for the sake of building memories with others.  I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact that undergrad is slowly waning away, but either way I’m still learning.

and as long as I’m learning, I’m on the right track.

7 more days of classes.  
3 more exams.
1 more project.
1 more presentation.

say what you want, but my glass is still half full

!

Just had one of the most blessing Easter weekends of my life.

Had a chance to spend some time reflecting as I was driving up to Nova.

Usually when we talk about Resurrection Sunday we talk about how Jesus is alive and how through His resurrection, we are lifted out of our graves of sin…

But this year I spent some time meditating on Jesus’ interactions with his disciples after the resurrection.

One thing I found astounding was that these disciples, who had spent 3 years living with Jesus, failed to recognize Him!  (actually a common theme throughout the gospels)

Why?

… the disciples were blinded by their circumstances.  Whether it was fear or grief or whatever they tried to occupy themselves with, they failed to see the glory of the risen son, who happened to be walking right along with them!

But here’s the catch:  Just like Christmas, or just like when He first called the disciples, or just like when He walked on water… it is Jesus who initiates this relationship.

In our relationship with God, Jesus is the bridegroom.  We can try all we want to seek Him, but He is the one who his constantly and furiously pursuing after us.

and that is some good news.

May we have the eyes to see the relentless love of Jesus in the midst of our chaos

May we receive the victory of His resurrection and know that our circumstances do not change the character of God.

May our lives be a reflection and a joyous celebration of the GLORY of the risen son!!!

*Got this from my dear friend josh cho

*Back into study mode for the next month or so.  I could go on and on whining about my workload or how I’m so screwed in certain classes, but I’ve decided to bite my tongue after reading this.   It really put into perspective how my identity in Christ supersedes my work.  and I hope it does for you too.

Lord I give you all the glory and the praise for you are worthy oh God.

You God, have taken me and my life in you hands and have loved me with an everlasting, unconditional, matchless, faithful, healing, deep love.

Holy Spirit I submit my academics and everything else to you. You take control Lord and be my teacher.

Every note, study guide, paper, bit of text is given up to you knowing that it is nothingness compared to you and these are merely instruments that you use to get me to know you more.

I confidently expect for you to show me and teach me everything that I need to know.

You have poured out a spirit of wisdom on me and I openly receive your wisdom. In fact, I want more.

Holy Spirit flow out of me, pour out onto my textbooks and my computer. Totally infiltrate, usurp, and eclipse everything God making it possible for me to rest in peace while I do the work that is in front of me.

I will not operate out of fear.

I will not worry about the outcome of my situation but will instead enjoy being with my Lord in this present moment.

I will operate out of who I am in Christ! Lord, you have given me everything I need.

I am a deep well overflowing with goodness, peace, wisdom, mercy, understanding, grace, and confidence in my Lord and King Jesus Christ.

Nothing can stand up against me!

God, my thoughts, actions, emotions, and will are aligned with you.

I am not a body, I am not a mind or a restless sea of emotions.

I am a spirit, a son (daughter) of the King and the Most High God.

I am endowed with a spirit of power and love.

I have a sound mind.

God you have renewed my mind. You have given me a new heart. You have poured out a new spirt over my life.

God you have already provided every single thing that I need.

If you are faithful to make sure that the sparrows have everything that they need, how much more will you provide for me!

Holy Spirit, you will reveal your way to me, for no good thing will the Lord withhold from those who love him.

I am more than an conqueror in Christ Jesus! Overwhelming victory is mine! In my studies, I am overflowing with everything I need. Anxiety has no place in my heart because Christ’s love continually rises up within me, drowning out anything that would keep me from abiding in perfect peace. I abide in Christ and Christ abides in me. Today I will experience God’s tangible love and it will trump everything else around me. Hallelujah! For the victory is mine, right now!

I am yours God and you are mine. I dwell with you now and will dwell with you forever.

You are good, mighty, powerful, and so awesome God!

I have everything I need in your name! Amen!

To God be the glory! God, truly be glorified in my tests and papers and projects! I will do excellently on all of my final papers and tests! [God's definition of "excellent"] I am triumphant over everything! Nothing good will be held back from me and I will come out of each test/paper completely victorious. I already do have overwhelming victory because of what Jesus Christ has done for me.  In the name of Jesus I claim these things knowing that it is done! Amen!

It just started snowing… and it’s one week away from April.   Can you believe that?  Seems like.. no wait, it was just last weekend when I was down in Virginia Beach in 70 degree weather but now?  32 degrees with the snow blowing.

I’ve heard mixed responses as this unexpected snow seemed to be the topic of conversation of the weekend.  Some love it and some can’t believe it, and I strongly believe there will be thousands of high school kids checking the emergency announcements on Sunday night.  Hate it or love it, there’s something about snow that brings out the child in all of us.

Maybe I’m over thinking this too much, but I’m seeing this snow as a reminder.  I’m reminded of December and January and those long cold days where it seemed like winter was never going to end.

It was almost too easy, Spring came at me with velocity, I tossed my northface and my sweats into the corner of my closet, and I even pulled out my flipflops.  Almost as if I turned the chapter of a book and forgotten about the page before.

As I look outside the window behind me, I’m told to remember the winter.  To remember where I’ve been.  To remember what it was like to step out to warm weather for the first time.

Note to self:
“Joe, the danger in life is that you’re going to forget what it was like to feel liberation.  Success may be down the road and you’re going to be spoiled.  The key is to not let the present blind you of your past.  REMEMBER.  How you were such a sinner, lonely and cold, unable to love and far from any kind of goodness.  Don’t forget that it was in this broken state that you were met with the unfair grace of God.”

Maybe that’s the reason for the seasons.  Without the winter we would forget what it was like before the warmth.  Without summer we’d have nothing to hope for during the cold.  Remember. and Hope.

There’s a divine rhythm to this life that calls us to remember. There will always be cherry blossoms.  There will always be a summer after winter.  The sun will always rise again.  And all this rhythm does is point towards God’s faithfulness.  Our job is simply to experience grace, ever captured in this rhythm of remembrance.

Huge downpour today. All day.  Instead of going out to the streets like Tuesday, we went to the local mall to hand out the lunches.  It seemed to be a great idea, where else would all the homeless people be when it’s cold and wet outside?

But the whole plan turned out to be a huge failure, nobody was there and everyone seemed to second guess our decision to brave the storm and come here.  We stood outside in the rain ready to go back to Hana Mission, as we held on to our bagged lunches that we failed to give out,

But just as we were about to leave, Christy noticed this man across the street swaying side to side, unable to walk straight as if he were heavily intoxicated.  Christy ran across the street as he attempted to cross from the other side even though cars were passing.  After she safely walked him across the street, Christy started conversing with him.  I didn’t think much of it at first, because honestly I was tired and just wanted to get away from the rain.  But I saw him cry after Christy prayed for him and something moved in me to really witness to this man.  The opportunity was there because he was still barely holding on to his balance.

Christy and I took him inside the mall, got him a cup of coffee as we sat down to talk to this man.  He opened up his life to us as he lifted his hat to look into our eyes.

His name was David Roman Valez.  He spoke Spanish, but he was fluent in English as well.   He moved here recently from Chicago, about 4 weeks ago.  He is the leader of his family, having 3 younger sisters and a family of his own.  He is homeless and is currently looking for jobs to come through.  As for why he was drunk at 2 in the afternoon, I don’t know.  If anything, the Spirit used the alcohol for David to open up to us more honestly.

He said he was sad. He wants to be able to provide and care for his loved ones but his circumstances don’t allow him to.  As he poured out his tears, he said he’s been trying so hard, doing everything he can.  He said he was mad at himself and at God… He used to go to church and even do service work, but as life took its bad turns it also turned him away from God.  He felt as if God didn’t want to listen to him.  In his own words: “Whenever I needed Him, God was not there!”

This was so painful to hear… I stood back as Christy tried to console him, but I was compelled to read him some truth from the scriptures.  As I held back my tears, I read Romans 8 and Paul’s description of the unconditional love of God.  I read him Revelations 21 where it describes a time when God will wipe every tear from our eyes… I read him Job 1 and how God allowed Satan to take things away from Job because He was after Job’s heart.

I told him that God is after his heart and that God just wants him to trust Him.
I told him that God sees all the pain that he goes through and that He cries alongside him.
I told him that our hope is not in the material blessings of this world, but an eternity of joy in the next.
I told him to keep on praying.  To wait on the Lord.
I told him that even when he lets go of God that God will never let go of him.

I admit, there were some rough patches during the conversation, but the Spirit definitely pulled through.  After we prayed for him, you could notice the difference in his eyes.

He pointed outside the window and told us that he is ready to take on the storm.  I smiled as we said our goodbyes.  I told him about Hana Mission, but he didn’t have an email. I guess the rest is really up to God.

I have faith, though.  David was the perfect example of the “honest, broken and contrite heart” that Jesus looks for.  It is for people like David that Christ left His heavenly status to take on the cross to demonstrate love.

absolutely no idea why im doing the peace sign