snowmg

circa 2005

something about this snow…

i had a thought while i was walking in the snow these past couple of days

snow brings out the goodness in the mundane

it can make the most day-to-day boring thing such as a tree look beautiful

kinda feel like that’s what god does to us and the things in our lives. feel me?

anyways

i know, i know, a lot of you all have been complaining about all this snow we’re getting

but i’ve had so much fun in these past couple weeks being snowed in with some awesome people

the school semester has been awesome so far.

easy workload + all this snow kinda makes it feel like we’re on winter break

and we actually got a snow day which is like a once in a lifetime thing

i’m actually really thankful for all the good things that this snow has brought… (tackle football, epic snowball fight, journey to jpj, 4segment snowman, snow mafia)

i feel like we’ve hung out more in these first 3 weeks of the semester than we have all of last semester.  and i definitely feel like i’m growing closer and closer with my friends here and i love it…

slowly learning that our lives are more and more strangely and beautifully intertwined and that life isn’t meant to be lived out alone.  that life isn’t all about our pursuits and goals but that it’s about a life together.

snomg

listen

something that i’ve been struggling with in the past year or so.

hearing god’s voice for your future..

am i seeking my own goal?  my own good?

a lot of times we blind ourselves to the things that we want.

but that’s always the wrong place to start.

humans are naturally pleasure seekers, people who seek satisfaction

and our greatest satisfaction comes from doing what we were created for.

it’s most important to start with seeing what god’s will for you is,

because when we see this and when we’re in tune with God,

we end up doing what we were made to do.

a lot of times the things we want are the things that kill us

but when we’re in tune with God we can trust our passions

spring semester starts before spring starts

spring semester started yesterday

feels like i just opened a new chapter in a book

so hear me out.

i’ve always thought that each semester/timeperiod in my life has its own unique feeling/story to it.
and i love the “story” metaphor to life
a new chapter means a new challenges, new struggles, new relationships
all the while making progress in the bigger picture of the story

i’ve always loved the idea of seasons; things rising and falling
in genesis1 where the writer talks about creation,
he repeats multiple times this phrase:

“there was evening, and there was morning”

and i like that because i know there is always a morning if there is an evening

anyways.

i had a big problem last semester.
i had all these ideas and great expectations going into the semester
but half way through it i found myself crawling through, just getting by with the bare minimum
my problem was that i was too being dependent on myself.
i was trying to get by with all of my past blessings
and in doing so i blinded myself towards all the new things that God was trying to show me.
no wonder i was complaining about how i wasn’t learning anything new.

and don’t get me wrong, the things i’ve learned in the past are awesome and i’ll carry them for the rest of my life.  but to be so reliant on them, i learned that it can be very harmful.

and all of this was a result of riding on my self sufficiency…

to be honest, i’m kind of excited about this semester…

i know what i’ve done wrong, and i know exactly where to turn to.

well actually, my heart does, but my mind will continuously tell me otherwise

you see, a lot of times my heart says yes but my mind says no

but sometimes you gotta tune out your mind and go with the flow

2010 we go hard

i love….

… or at least try to

(stolen from eugene who stole it from various others)

dear gilbert

they took down this banner

why gilbert, why?

you were my favorite player

even when all my friends always talked bad about the wizards, i always defended the wizards because i had faith in you

i remember when you hit that game winning shot against the Bulls in the playoffs of ‘05

i think thats when you became my favorite player

remember in 06-07 when you dropped 60 on the lakers IN LA?

remember when you beat out Vince Carter for the all star spot?

remember wen you averaged almost 30 points a game?

you gave us wizards fans something to brag about… they had kobe, they had dwade, they had shaq, but we had agent zero…

remember when you had your blog? that was like the only thing i used to read online

remember when you nailed those buzzer beaters against the bucks, jazz and the sonics?

that jazz one was the best where you just turned around and lifted your hands even before the ball went in

i used to imitate that shot all the time at the gym

see, i never had cable back in high school so i couldnt watch your games

but i remember on game nights i would listen to the games on the radio with my jersey on while doing my homework, those were the good times

see, i knew that when you were out there on the court we could beat any team in the league

remember when we used to be the first seed in the east in 2007?

people dont remember that, but i do

then you got hurt.

then people started talking more smack about the wizards

you signed that contract

people thought you didnt deserve it but i believed

then this new season started with high expectations

our record sucks but i still stuck with you guys

then this whole gun crap happened

why gilbert, why?   why did it have to be you?  why not deshawn stevenson?

why did you do this

when you had a million extra eyes watching your actions

why couldnt you be serious for once when everybody else was serious

i know you were just being yourself but didn’t you realize the severity of the situation?

sigh.  so it seems as if your time in washington is over

i’ll hold on to the memories tho. the joy and pain.

what hurts the most is

what could have been

remember

I tried to remember how i’ve spent the past 9 new years eves.
here’s what i came up with.

08: Chicago/fireworks, coming back from Onething 08 at Kansas City
07: dinner with a girl i used to like
06: senior year of HS, worship service at church//the infamous brawl
05: cheesecake with brother, his friend and xtine? am i right? then church
04-01: this is where my memory starts to fail me
00: at KwangHwaMoon in Seoul, celebrated the new millenium and found 40000 won and used the money to buy Haejanggook for my family
______________________

the memory is a beautiful thing… sadly a lot of times we tend to remember some things we don’t want to remember…  it can range from something simply random and insignificant, to a painful and searing loss of a loved one… you remember your most embarrassing moments… stuff you think about and just shake your head in shame haha… you remember the time when you first felt heartache… that time when you broke your ankle… the time when you fought with your friend… the time when you saw your friend’s loved one pass away… missed opportunities… painful losses…

well the good news is that we can remember a lot of good things as well.  the time when you first held that girl’s hands… the time when you first came to know god… your first day of school… the time when you stayed up all night talking with your friends… the look on your moms face when you first came home from school… the way that person’s hair fell across her face so beautifully… the time you heard your niece’s first cry… victories…

the irony of memories is that you can’t remember everything. sometimes you can’t remember something you want to remember, and sometimes you remember some things you don’t want to remember.

what’s so beautiful about a memory is that usually they aren’t kept just by you… the beauty is that as you recollect and share these memories, they bring back the good times…  as you reminisce, your memories come alive as they bring back feelings and emotions…

i’ve learned over these years that life is not meant to be lived out alone, but shared.

Pabe once talked about how we as christians are called to remember…  remember God’s goodness in the past, so that even in your valleys you are able to see past your circumstances and know that God is good… and as we remember our blessings, we allow those around us to remember as well. that’s what testimonies are for.  we share about god’s goodness in our lives, to remind each other that God is good. the beauty is that our songs and stories are able to lift each other up.

and if i’m gonna have any sort of resolution for this new year, it’s going to be that.
I want to remember.
I want to remember, through every circumstance that God is good, even when I don’t see it
I want to remember, for those around me that cannot remember
I want stories.
I want opportunities to share those stories.

so i’ll end with a memory.  a memory of how I ended the first decade of the new millennium.

“I spent the last 2 hours or so of the year in worship, with some amazing people, in an blessed church that i so dearly love.  during worship I had a time to share about some of the invaluable lessons that God has shown me in the past several years, and as I was sharing I couldn’t help but be amazed how much God has shown me throughout these years.  and I was excited… excited to live… excited to see what these next 10 years or so will hold…”

10 years ago I was in Korea, having no idea that I would ever come to America, having no idea that I would meet God. having no idea that I would have met the people that I have grown to love right now.

who knows where I’ll be 10 years from now?  i can only imagine to the greatest of my creativity and to the extent of my limited dreams and aspirations.

but I know where i’ve been, i know what I’ve seen, i know what i’ve experienced

and I’m going to remember… and let the world know

the beauty of christmas

it’s been a rough past year for my family…

so much financial complications… almost lost our business, even had to sell our house…

not trying to downgrade the weight of our circumstances, because my parents have gone through so much trouble,  but sometimes i feel like we make things worse than they seem to be, because we fail to look up

instead of looking up we fix our eyes on all the trouble and chaos around us and get filled with negative thoughts… and ultimately lose hope

two winters ago i went through depression… it was no joke…

I remember even going to WebMD.com and looking up the symptoms for depression… and when they matched my symptoms i got even more depressed by the fact that i was depressed…

i researched and found out most people define “depression” as a loss of hope

yea, i wasn’t eating right, i slept irregularly but those were just the consequences of the fact that i had lost sight of the hope that i once had in life.

the depression started around thanksgiving time and went on for about a month.

and it sounds really cliche, but what got me out of depression was Christmas.

Christmas of 2007 meant more to me than any other Christmas i had experienced in my life.

it was when i truly realized the fullness of  how much God loved me… what got me the most was the fact that he loved me SO damn much that he would leave his home, come down to earth, just so he could be with me and show me that I don’t ever have to be lonely again

and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Christmas happens to be at this time of the year

I’m pretty sure that Jesus didn’t really come to this earth on a December 25th, but whoever decided to put Christmas on that day had it right.

Jesus meets us in our loneliness.

and knowing this we can turn the page and start a fresh new year with hope.

so i just came back not too long ago from eating our Christmas dinner with my family… we were all tired so we didn’t really talk much but as i was sitting there i couldn’t help but thank god… after all the mess we’ve gone through, i was so grateful that we still had each other…

the beauty of Christmas

is that there is hope, because we are never alone

what the

Merry Christmas!

the grand finale

promise i wont make it long so hear me out here

not sure if i’ve ever studied as hard as i did this past week… ever..

i don’t know why i did, because even getting 100s on my exams wouldn’t have changed the outcome of my final grades because they were so mediocre

and i don’t say this often cuz my grades suck, but i think i did pretty well on my exams (you won’t hear this for another while)

like i said, i don’t think it made that much of an impact on the transcript

but this whole process kinda taught me a lot of things, in my heart (pound my chest)

call me a nerd if you want, but this time i wanna call this finishing strong.  integrity.

i say this all the time but i’ve been so apathetic these days its kinda pathetic (ha RK)

and i’ve learned in these past years or so that being apathetic cripples you… in life… spiritually…

and how could i be so forgetful? after all the things that i’ve been taught these past years

but this past week was a little different

maybe it was the marathon, maybe it was all the crap i went through my 1st year, but i know that little by little he’s been molding me whether i realize it or not

because sometimes it’s not always the end result that produces a good story

but its the process.  the gut. the grind.

and because of that i’ve never been this excited for winter break before

i mean, it’s what we’ve been waiting for all semester long, right?

EXCITED TO LIVE

Apparently

apparently i was the senior animator for X-Men: the Last Stand and the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1279602/

props to Ni Johnson for finding this

thanksgiving

in the concluding chapter of the letter to the Philippians, paul says this:

“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty, I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do everything through him who gives me strength.”

this passage has been floating around in my head for a while now…

i read it the other day and I was kind of amazed…

I wrote an entry a couple months ago about how we’re such fickle beings; how so often times outside things tend to dictate our moods… how one “bad thing” can “ruin” a day and so on…

and then there’ paul here.

when i read that he knows the “secret of being content in every situation”, I honestly got kind of jealous…

why can’t i be like that? I want to be free from my desires and wants…to be able to let slide the little things that don’t matter and hold on to the good

and i was thinking about it this thanksgiving break, as i got to spend some time by myself, and it all made sense.

this so called “secret” that Paul is talking about here is thanksgiving.  having a thankful heart.

sounds stupid and cliche, but hey thats just the way it is sometimes

i think its crazy how people go shopping crazy during thanksgiving…

don’t get me wrong i love black friday sales… but i think the whole idea of it shows how we are such broken people and how our wants and desires can drive us to do ridiculous things…

and i don’t think our desires are necessarily a bad thing.  its just bad when its channeled in a wrong direction

it took a lot of breaking down but i’ve come to realize the importance of having a thankful heart and taking nothing for granted..

ill end with some things that i’m thankful for in my life

second chances. mom. dad. rupert. family. friends. old friends. health. wealth. deodorant. windows 7. hoodies. good food with good people. grace. arrested development. sports. afc. snl. kcpc. gcf. brotherhood. lemon lime and fierce melon gatorade. chapstick. febreze….